Aimless Waste / Progress into… the past?!
Firstly, apologies that the title for this edition is not en-keeping with the theme of alliteration and pointlessly complex words. To make up for that there are two titles. How wasteful of me…
I struck me the other day how much we waste. I’m not going to have a go like most people who talk about waste. I’m not going to talk about food like most other people also do. It’s not our fault that we waste, its the fault of the companies that make the packaging and pointless items.
I am going to have a go at people who use disposable things. There are somethings I admit you wouldn’t want to re-use, like a nappy for example. Can you think of someone who wants to scrape liquid shit off a piss soaked sponge? Of course you can’t, but people used to. And what’s more, because that was what was normal, they didn’t complain about it.
The disposable things I dont understand are Barbeques and Razors. Who feels that making a pile of charcoal and squirting it with lighter fluid is so daunting that they require someone else to do it for them? Whats worse is that they come rapped in cardboard and plastic wrap. If I may pause here to have a go at excess packaging…
Who thought of putting plastic wrappers around bananas?! Who the fuck looked a banana, natures pre-wrapped snack, and thought “But what if the skin gets dirty?! The fruit would be ruined! I must wrap it in… Plastic, but not the normal hard sort, the this stuff that you cant recycle!!” If i find this man, i will insert bananas into every orifice until he truly regrets that his father didn’t drown him at birth.
But i digress, back to the barbecues. What it is that you buy for a Barbecue is charcoal. They then cover this in lighter fluid, i can only assume they do this because they think i cant undo that tricky child lock on the bottle… they wrap this whole kaboodle in paper. For me that would be enough wrapping but not for them! Not by a long way. They need to wrap the whole papery affair in foil, slightly thicker than average tinfoil. They then put this in a cardboard sleeve. Then that gets wrapped in clingfilm. THIS IS OVERKILL. You take longer unwrapping the fucking thing than you do cooking.
That is enough on that. The other things that annoy me pertain to shaving. Shaving cream is a scam. It softens beard hair no better than warm water. The lubrication on you skin can be achieved the old fashioned way. With soap. The soap comes in a bit of waxed paper. The cream/foam comes in a massive can. When the solvent in the can has escaped (and burnt a massive hole in the atmosphere) there is still a mass of cream in the bottom of the can that you cant get to. Why spend so much more money for something no better and more wasteful? To save the 10sec that it takes to lather a soap? That’s no excuse. The reason you do it is because everybody else does. GROW A PAIR. Its not always a bad thing to be different….
The razors are on a par with the cream. Why do you need more than 1 shitting blade?! When you drag this contraption over your face the first blade cuts the hair. The others are just to look good. That and increase the amount of razor burn you get. Your argument might be “the more blades, the smoother the shave, the less you will cut yourself” your cuts might be farther between but how the fuck are they fewer? every time you cut yourself you don’t just get one cut, no, you get 5. A nice 5 lined scab on your face. A trophy that you can show your mates and say, “look, I’m shit.”. Before you call me a wispy bearded weirdo or a hypocrite think, just think. There is another way. For once don’t give in to ‘progress’. Take a step back, through time and do what i do. Use a straight razor. I don’t even know why you lot moved on from the straight razor. It gives you a better, closer shave. It doesn’t need constant replacement. This replacement is costly and wasteful. Look at the facts and run. RUN. Go and find a straight razor, cast off the shackles of progress and revert to the old ways. The good ways. The past.
