Driving Range Debacle
Before i launch into things i would like to say that i really did enjoy my first golf experience, even if i was shit.
Getting to these places is never simple especially when all you know is the name of a fairly long road and that its a golf place. As it happens people like to put golf clubs/pens/cages whatever their called. After finding my way there and going to the shop to get stuff i was confronted by a man. I would say that he was a ordinary man but he looked like a sun-burnt potato in very white clothes. It was then that a miracle happened, the potato man, now behind the shop checkout, managed to hear what i was saying; even with his head, as it very clearly was, so far up his own arse he could have removed his kidney stones with his mouth (he probably did something akin to this). Although I can read minds, i didn’t need to use my unearthly powers to work out what he was thinking when i asked to loan a club, it was quite clearly and simply - PEASANT
I got my club and a weird coin for the ball vending machine and went to find an empty slot to use. Not much to say about my golf technique and skill or lack of therein. I did mostly bad but with a few jems. Its a bit like if someone swung a samurai sword at me 50 times. It would be deadly and disfiguring but on a few of the swings they might just hit that boil i needed to get lanced or cut my hair and save me a job. The other snooty full-of-themselves real golfers were gratifyingly mute. But every time i hit one wide or scraped it i was hearing their thoughts, lots of heavy tutting and the occasional “shame”
I hit 115 balls ish and had a good time. But overall i enjoyed watching the other people most. There was a fat man who took a hit then had to sit down and have a fag. It was most amusing. I think i would ahve enjoyed it more if one of the fat chain smoking sofa-masturbating badger baiters was wandering around out by the 100 foot marker so i would have something fun to aim for. My hopes were raised when we saw an animal run around at the 250 marker, unluckily none of the toffs thought it was a fox, otherwise they probably gone after it and tried to drink its blood. But alas no human targets.
That concludes all there is so say about golf except that the “Happy Gilmore” run and swing is amazing when it works and if you don’t know what I’m on about go watch the film NOW
